A Star’s Shadow

Stars dance across the surface of the lake, twirling and swaying to the beat of the wind. I sit cross-legged on the shore, watching their ballet. Trying to pick the one light that shines, just for me. There’s no moon—there never was when I came here. If the moon shone, I’d miss the stars. Their fire would be swallowed by their big sister, their beauty drowned in its glow.

People hold many beliefs about the night sky. There are stories about heroes, about gods, about shape shifters and tricksters. But for Tarak and I, the universe had always held a promise.

“When I’m gone, Sayeh, watch the stars. Wait for me. I’ll come back for you.”

He kept repeating it, watch the stars, and so I did. Every new moon, without fail, I threw the swag we’d once shared into the back of the car and hightailed it out of the city towards the lake. In summer, it was packed with people. Hikers used the lake as a base to start a variety of treks, photographers were attracted to the abundance of wildlife. Even though I still came in summer, kept my promise, it wasn’t the same. Winter was our time.

Like today.

Midwinter chill tries to tunnel into my bones, but I’m lost in memories, buried in my sleeping bag as I watch the world swirl in the reflection on a lake. My breath fogs in front of my face. I should start a fire, but I don’t want to ruin the perfection of the moment.

Besides, it isn’t that cold—yet.

I lift the sleeping bag to my nose, searching for any lingering scent of Tarak. But it’s long gone. Just like he is. So many nights spent making love in this very bedding, now nothing more than a memory. His broad smile, mocha skin I traced until I’d learned every curve, the tickle of his long midnight-black hair, all shuffled to a corner of my mind labelled ‘LOVE’.

And buried until the moon waned once again and I found myself out here.

Living my memories.

I sigh, stretch. Perhaps it is time to let go. To move on. But every time I resolve to do just that, I find myself back here, sitting at the edge of the water watching the stars. And waiting. I rub my arms to chase away the chill. It’s then I see it.

The star.

The same one that appeared the night Tarak’s life support had been turned off and my ears had filled with the endless beeeep of the heart monitor.

White light billows around it, increasing its size until a beam shoots out and joins its counterpart on the surface of the lake. My heart beats an erratic rhythm—not terror, but hope. When the light begins to coalesce, to take the form of a brightly shining man, I’m on my feet. Drawn inexorably to the water’s edge.

Though he shines with the light of a burning star, I can still make out his form. I’d know it anywhere. Long hair flutters in the breeze around broad shoulders that had once sheltered me from harm. Toned, muscular arms that had wrapped around me while I slept, fending off nightmares. They swing at his side as he walks across the lake towards me, the water still for him.

Finally, he’s before me. My skin’s covered in goosebumps, my teeth chattering, but I can’t seem to care. I drink in every detail, eyes greedy, not knowing whether this is fantasy or reality. Not caring.

He is here.

“Sayeh.” His voice is the low rumble I remember. I whimper. If this is a dream, the heartache will be worse when I wake up. My shining Tarak stretches out a hand towards me. It is a lodestone for mine. The moment we touch, light flares around us. Tarak grasps my hand tightly in his and pulls me sharply towards him. I tumble into his arms as the light burns through us, around us, inside us. It weaves our very souls together in blissful agony.

Then it’s done.

We sway together on the surface of the lake, moving to a tune only we can hear. The light fades slightly around us, enough that I can make out his features. He is no longer my dark star, but one that shine bright. My own skin glows, not as brightly as his, but with a subtle blue. A shadow of his own.

“You came for me,” I whisper, gazing up at the man I’d thought lost.

“Always,” he replies taking my lips reverently. I curl my arms around his body, lace my fingers together, and kiss him with all the passion buried in the ten years we’d been apart. His hands grasp my hips, pulling me in tighter against him. Lips feather down my neck, trace my collar-bone before returning to mine again. This time there is no gentleness. Tarak is full of a savage hunger I’m eager to meet.

But he breaks away. Tugs on my hand as he turns. I follow. I’ll follow him anywhere.

We stroll together along the silver pathway to the stars. I look up at the other half of my soul. “What’s next?” I ask.

“An adventure,” he replies with a wild grin. He lopes up the path and I match my pace to his—directly into the light of a star. Together at last.